As if finding myself in Romeo’s bed wasn’t bad enough, Julliet decides to come and try to make amence with her man on this very morning. We didn’t expect her at all so naturally I answered the door half asleep with a towel wrapped around me.
Opening the door totally sobered me up. It was her. Julz. I was startled. I stood at the door like a stooge. She gave me suspicious look weighing me from top to bottom with a sneer. She shoved me to the side and walked straight into the bedroom where she found an even worse scene. At least I was in a towel. Romeo was in his full birthday suit. I quickly slipped into a dress and dashed to the kitchen. All I could hear was screams and bangs. The next thing I knew, Romeo was throwing out all her belongings and telling her straight to her face,
“It was over a long time ago. It just took me time to realize.”
She threw herself on the crying bitterly. She asked me why. How I could do this to her yet I was like a sister. I cried too. I was drowned in guilt. To date I swear, I didn’t mean for it to happen. Alcohol just tends to trick the mind sometimes. I wished I could explain to her but every time I tried to utter a word, I only cried out loud. The worst part was when Romeo asked me to shut the door when she leaves, and he locked himself in his room. I can’t help hating myself for that day. It was a day never to forget. Julliet humbly picked her belongings and bid me good bye. Her last words to me were,
“I only pity you”
I thought to myself that even if it was me in her shoes, I would have said the same. How could I be so stupid and so blind? How could I let this happen? The girl who saved me from my distress?
I blamed myself.
I locked the door behind her and Romeo walked out of his room apologizing to me. Whatever for I didn’t understand then. I was so confused. He gave me a tight hug repeating himself time and again,
“I am so sorry baby”
I burst into tears in his arms telling him that it was my fault. That I should have said no. That was the first time he uttered the three little words ‘I LOVE YOU’.
It took me time to recover but in the end I did. I moved into his room and was officially called his wife. (Come we stay) We build a strong love crazy about one another. Romeo was just perfect, all loving and romantic. He didn’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day to bring me roses. He didn’t sit back and watch me do the house chores. He used to have a guys night out but not after we fell in love. He worshiped the ground I walked on. He treasured and pampered me. He taught me how to shoot pool, taught me the art of making love. Being away from him for hours felt like days. I was that fond of his love. I felt like it was all too good to be true.
With time, I made introductions with my folks. He was an orphan but had an extended family which he introduced me to. Within about 4 months, we had a customary wedding. His family and mine met, exchanged gifts and blessed us. Now I felt like a wife. For my step mother, it was like she was more than glad that I had left the scene. Her family was now a nuclear one. I also felt relieved and settled. I remember I was the most suspected member of the family. They all used to look down on me. I would get tested every January and July for pregnancy, STD’s(even though I knew just one boy the), drugs and HIV. Once, my urine tested positive for substance abuse. I was given a thorough flogging for that and kicked out of the house. I didn’t mind it. In fact I enjoyed the peace and quiet.
I was now living in my own house with my own husband and I loved it. I was especially relived of those annual jabs and tests. At 18 my step mother even wanted to have me injected for family planning. This was on of the many endless reasons why we fought. But moving in with Romeo brought all these things to a halt. Life was filled with bliss. He paid for my college and I cleared my course in journalism. I then began tarmacking in search of a job. He didn’t like it but I wasn’t going to spend all my time just taking care of him. I liked to get busy. And with my step mother’s help, I found a vacancy in one of the Porsche residential Hotels in the outskirts of our beautiful city Nairobi. I was very happy. I passed my interview by all means. The pretty face played a big role in this.
“All you need now is to have a medical check up. We need to know that you are fine. And if you have any allergies the doctor shall indicate that as well. It is a normal procedure. In two weeks time we shall be handed your results and you will start working with immediate effect” the handsome young white manager explained.
That wasn’t asking for too much. I was given directions to the business doctor’s clinic. This hotel was very well organized. They even had a Doctor for their staff. If one fell sick he/she would receive free consultation and treatment. The accounts office would sort him and it wouldn’t be deducted from the pay slip.
I already liked the idea of working as a waitress here. At least until I could find an attachment in a media house.
So I went straight to the clinic and had the medical check. They asked for my urine, which shook me a little as I remembered my last encounter with the same. But I confidently gave it to them. They also took my stool, only God knows why, and then withdrew quite an amount of my blood. Well went through the whole process successfully. I was only a little worried about the urine test. I was asked to come back after two weeks.
(To be continued……………………………)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
So what? (2)
Her demise changed everything. I hardly remember much about her but I know that since her passing on, sadness dawned on us.
In 1987, the old man re-married. I thought my life was lonely, until the new wife checked in. Then I realized the true meaning of loneliness, the pain of being a step child. The torture was unbearable, but through it all, I survived.
Now living in my best friend’s boyfriend’s house? Sleeping on the couch? This felt like the climax. Julliet tried fixing me with dates, hook-ups but none seemed to work. My mind was too occupied in books and in my sorrows to even enjoy male company. I considered myself dormant in love life.
Though a cheerful, light-hearted extrovert whose emotions you could read as clearly on his face as if written in capital letters, Romeo had another side of him that remained mysterious. There were certain rules in his house that just had to be followed. For example, never to polish his shoes, never to go into his room, never to read ANY of his note books even if found lying anywhere in the house. I understood that his privacy was prime thus lived by these rules.
Until one day, in Juliet’s absence, He proposed that we go out for a drink. He was feeling down and just wanted to be out for a while. I also being in a similar mood agreed. We informed his girl who was ok with the plan even in her absence. One bottle led to another as we exchanged conversation. It was different this time as we simply shared deeply about life. I told him more about myself as he did the same. This made us friends. Good friends.
One outing led to another and another until it almost became a drinking spree. We got even closer to a point of dancing together. It was to fast music first, then to ragamuffin, then to slow music. Going out without Julliet became more fun as plenty of laughter filled the air. Smiles here and there, a beautiful feeling of joy warmed our hearts. Until one day, in a slow dance, he placed his lips on mine. For a split second I felt like I had been swept off my feet. The music sounded like twinkle-bells from heaven. Everything changed. Only for a split second and I quickly withdrew. I thought of my dear friend Julz. I thought of all she had done for me. Guilt struck me like lightening. I slowly walked back to our table and continued to sip on my drink quietly. We quickly cleared the round and went home. None of us utters a word. We remained silent all the way. This marked the beginning of my misery.
Days went by. We never mentioned a thing to Julz. But the tension only increased. We talked less Romeo and I. With worries that I might lose shelter yet again, I tried reconciling myself with family. It wasn’t fruitful. The couple on the other hand was constantly at loggerheads. Their fights got more physical than verbal. Sometimes it was so bad that she would miss coming over for two or three weekends. I tried talking to him about it but his reasons left me speechless. He said that he no longer loved her. That it was simply over.
I wondered how I would go on living in his house when he wasn’t in good terms with his girlfriend, my best friend. I was in a fix. My greatest fear was to have to start looking for shelter again. Julz kept asking me why I still lived there yet they were not in good terms. The girl constantly pestered me when we met up in school. She would constantly remind me that it was because of her I had a place to rest my head. I felt like she did it to push me to talk to Romeo. I did it but with very little or no luck. Her bad attitude towards me began getting to me.
One weekend, Romeo came home with serious liquor. I made dinner, we ate then began drinking. He began by really complementing my cooking. He told me how it was so much better than Julz. Then he told me that he liked the way I took care of things in the house. Then how beautiful I was and within no time, he admitted that he had fallen in love with me. Now with the alcohol speaking on my behalf, I responded by letting him know that I felt the same way about him. Of course one thing led to another and before we knew it, we were birth naked in bed.
(To be continued………..)
In 1987, the old man re-married. I thought my life was lonely, until the new wife checked in. Then I realized the true meaning of loneliness, the pain of being a step child. The torture was unbearable, but through it all, I survived.
Now living in my best friend’s boyfriend’s house? Sleeping on the couch? This felt like the climax. Julliet tried fixing me with dates, hook-ups but none seemed to work. My mind was too occupied in books and in my sorrows to even enjoy male company. I considered myself dormant in love life.
Though a cheerful, light-hearted extrovert whose emotions you could read as clearly on his face as if written in capital letters, Romeo had another side of him that remained mysterious. There were certain rules in his house that just had to be followed. For example, never to polish his shoes, never to go into his room, never to read ANY of his note books even if found lying anywhere in the house. I understood that his privacy was prime thus lived by these rules.
Until one day, in Juliet’s absence, He proposed that we go out for a drink. He was feeling down and just wanted to be out for a while. I also being in a similar mood agreed. We informed his girl who was ok with the plan even in her absence. One bottle led to another as we exchanged conversation. It was different this time as we simply shared deeply about life. I told him more about myself as he did the same. This made us friends. Good friends.
One outing led to another and another until it almost became a drinking spree. We got even closer to a point of dancing together. It was to fast music first, then to ragamuffin, then to slow music. Going out without Julliet became more fun as plenty of laughter filled the air. Smiles here and there, a beautiful feeling of joy warmed our hearts. Until one day, in a slow dance, he placed his lips on mine. For a split second I felt like I had been swept off my feet. The music sounded like twinkle-bells from heaven. Everything changed. Only for a split second and I quickly withdrew. I thought of my dear friend Julz. I thought of all she had done for me. Guilt struck me like lightening. I slowly walked back to our table and continued to sip on my drink quietly. We quickly cleared the round and went home. None of us utters a word. We remained silent all the way. This marked the beginning of my misery.
Days went by. We never mentioned a thing to Julz. But the tension only increased. We talked less Romeo and I. With worries that I might lose shelter yet again, I tried reconciling myself with family. It wasn’t fruitful. The couple on the other hand was constantly at loggerheads. Their fights got more physical than verbal. Sometimes it was so bad that she would miss coming over for two or three weekends. I tried talking to him about it but his reasons left me speechless. He said that he no longer loved her. That it was simply over.
I wondered how I would go on living in his house when he wasn’t in good terms with his girlfriend, my best friend. I was in a fix. My greatest fear was to have to start looking for shelter again. Julz kept asking me why I still lived there yet they were not in good terms. The girl constantly pestered me when we met up in school. She would constantly remind me that it was because of her I had a place to rest my head. I felt like she did it to push me to talk to Romeo. I did it but with very little or no luck. Her bad attitude towards me began getting to me.
One weekend, Romeo came home with serious liquor. I made dinner, we ate then began drinking. He began by really complementing my cooking. He told me how it was so much better than Julz. Then he told me that he liked the way I took care of things in the house. Then how beautiful I was and within no time, he admitted that he had fallen in love with me. Now with the alcohol speaking on my behalf, I responded by letting him know that I felt the same way about him. Of course one thing led to another and before we knew it, we were birth naked in bed.
(To be continued………..)
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
SO WHAT?
Since I began this spot, part of my new years resolution is to activate it and keep it running.
I have two spots, 'whitetomatoe' and 'blacktomatoe'.
In blacktomatoe, I intend to share on the black side of my HIV status. Yes. I am HIV+ and have been for twelve years now. I discovered my status in August 1999.
I remember the that Indian Doctor told me straight in my face,
" YOU HAVE AIDS. JUST GO HOME, EAT WELL. EXERCISE AND AVOID DRINKING, AND YOU SHALL MAKE IT EVEN FIVE OR SIX YEARS MORE"
I smiled and said thank you but the moment I stepped out that door, I could no longer feel my feet. I felt like I was floating in the air. Just moving but not walking. Everything around me went DEAD SILENT. Tears rolling down my cheeks, yet I was laughing. Laughing at myself.
It all began with a plate of fries worth KSH.35 (less than a doller).
I had been kicked out of home by my Step folks and lived in the servants quaters. Food was upon me yet I had barely lived out of school. I struggled to pay my college fees by selling sandwiches. I barely made it.
My step mother had a cafe just outside the compound. I went and ordered for a plate of fries and munched like I had not seen food for days. I hadn't anyway. Just porridge and water. I ate so hungrily like it was a last me. Once stuffed, I stood up to walk out when one of the workers stopped me violently.
" Mama said ONLY her children are allowed free fries so you better pay up. I shall not agree to be deducted from my salary"
Angrily, I pushed him out of my way and told him to go and report me to the police for all I care. And the guy took to his heels and reported me to my mother!
Next thing I knew, I was kicked out of the quarters and my clothes thrown out.
HOMELESS! With nowhere to go and no one to turn to, I seeked shelter from a friend. Julliet (not real name) was a soft spoken, kind and understanding friend. She was in my college too. She couldn't think of a better idea than to ask her boyfriend who lived in a 1 bed roomed apartment, to accommodate me. This was because Julliet lived with her parents thus couldn't take me in herself. In fact her parents disliked me for untold reasons.
Romeo on the other hand (not real name), gladly took me in. He never talked much. On the days when Julliet wasn't with us, he'd eat whatever I cooked, complement it and go to sleep. In the morning, we would both leave the house almost at the same time as I went to college and him to work. He would drop me off as he kisses his Julliet before setting off to work.
For about a month, everything sailed smoothly.I washed our clothes but on weekend Julliet came over and we did general cleaning together. She would also be the one cooking and pampering her man while I cleaned up after her cooking. Romeo would sometimes take us out for a few drinks, or sometimes to the movies. On Sundays we would go out all day sometimes picnic and sometimes dance. Other times, I would let them go while I remained in the house just to have some time alone.
Even when they really tried to get my mind off things, sometimes I would just drift away into thoughts. Thoughts about how unfair my life was since my biological mother died of cancer when I was only 5yrs. She had just been married to this man for 3 years before she left us....
(To be continued)...............
I have two spots, 'whitetomatoe' and 'blacktomatoe'.
In blacktomatoe, I intend to share on the black side of my HIV status. Yes. I am HIV+ and have been for twelve years now. I discovered my status in August 1999.
I remember the that Indian Doctor told me straight in my face,
" YOU HAVE AIDS. JUST GO HOME, EAT WELL. EXERCISE AND AVOID DRINKING, AND YOU SHALL MAKE IT EVEN FIVE OR SIX YEARS MORE"
I smiled and said thank you but the moment I stepped out that door, I could no longer feel my feet. I felt like I was floating in the air. Just moving but not walking. Everything around me went DEAD SILENT. Tears rolling down my cheeks, yet I was laughing. Laughing at myself.
It all began with a plate of fries worth KSH.35 (less than a doller).
I had been kicked out of home by my Step folks and lived in the servants quaters. Food was upon me yet I had barely lived out of school. I struggled to pay my college fees by selling sandwiches. I barely made it.
My step mother had a cafe just outside the compound. I went and ordered for a plate of fries and munched like I had not seen food for days. I hadn't anyway. Just porridge and water. I ate so hungrily like it was a last me. Once stuffed, I stood up to walk out when one of the workers stopped me violently.
" Mama said ONLY her children are allowed free fries so you better pay up. I shall not agree to be deducted from my salary"
Angrily, I pushed him out of my way and told him to go and report me to the police for all I care. And the guy took to his heels and reported me to my mother!
Next thing I knew, I was kicked out of the quarters and my clothes thrown out.
HOMELESS! With nowhere to go and no one to turn to, I seeked shelter from a friend. Julliet (not real name) was a soft spoken, kind and understanding friend. She was in my college too. She couldn't think of a better idea than to ask her boyfriend who lived in a 1 bed roomed apartment, to accommodate me. This was because Julliet lived with her parents thus couldn't take me in herself. In fact her parents disliked me for untold reasons.
Romeo on the other hand (not real name), gladly took me in. He never talked much. On the days when Julliet wasn't with us, he'd eat whatever I cooked, complement it and go to sleep. In the morning, we would both leave the house almost at the same time as I went to college and him to work. He would drop me off as he kisses his Julliet before setting off to work.
For about a month, everything sailed smoothly.I washed our clothes but on weekend Julliet came over and we did general cleaning together. She would also be the one cooking and pampering her man while I cleaned up after her cooking. Romeo would sometimes take us out for a few drinks, or sometimes to the movies. On Sundays we would go out all day sometimes picnic and sometimes dance. Other times, I would let them go while I remained in the house just to have some time alone.
Even when they really tried to get my mind off things, sometimes I would just drift away into thoughts. Thoughts about how unfair my life was since my biological mother died of cancer when I was only 5yrs. She had just been married to this man for 3 years before she left us....
(To be continued)...............
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